Reflection on College Living

I've seen a couple videos from regular vlogs I keep up on weekly in regards to mental health, this time on college living. One from The Emmy R and the other From Miss Lizenka. I'll link them before moving on with my own experiences so you can get their perspectives as well. They both have good information. I would like to add to their input based on reflection having graduated a couple years ago.

Emmy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3YhJuu5Hx0
Liza: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnPz2S8F6iY

The Questions Are:
1)did you ever consider any other living options?
2)in relation to mental health how had living on campus effected you?
3)if you could change your living situation for collage would you? why?


Freshman year I chose to live in a freshman only residence hall thinking everyone was new and therefore it would be an environment where we all struggled together and made good friendships. The opposite kind of happened though, where everyone was free from their parents for the first time and most of the people there caused a lot of trouble. My recommendation to freshman would be to pick out a residence hall with a variety of people. Freshman to struggle along with and the more senior students to help mentor you along the way as you come along stressful times and any questions. My resident assistant who was a couple years ahead was a great person to talk to or just to chill with during a stressful time.

I can't really say I had any positive experience with roommates, but I did learn about different types of people and how to better deal with people. What it comes down to though, the roommates greatly impacted my mental health. I'll provide an overview of the different situations I was in. I'm not entirely against roommates, but keep the situations in mind when thinking about living with someone.

Freshman (1st) year my roommate and I got along fairly well the first semester, but not so much the second. My self harm and major depression were largely a part of me by the end of the first semester my freshman year and the second semester only isolated me more. My roommate would come in at late hours of the night and turn on the lights or play loud video games, waking me up. This contributed to a lack of sleep which in return impacted my ability to get the rest I needed to focus and think more clearly.

Sophomore (2nd) and Junior (3rd) years my roommates left after the first semester and I would have the room to myself for the final semester of the year. Both once again had some issues, but unlike my first roommate, both were more accepting of me. I found living on my own in the college residence hall to be both helpful and hard. The situation was helpful in that I could focus on myself without having to worry about someone else contributing to my downfall. Being close to on-campus friends, dining, and assistance was also a plus. What made living alone hard was that I could dwell in my sadness and really didn't have anyone around to talk to because I could just sit around in my room. Looking back this is also where some great distractions I've mentioned or others from fellow blogs could be utilized.

Senior (4th) year was my breaking point. I actually started out with a single room all to myself, but I do not attribute that to my problems, rather, the problems I had with some of the staff at the college sent me into a further downward spiral. I had to leave for a year and come back a 5th so I could focus on myself and getting better. When I returned the following year I actually stayed in an apartment off-campus roughly 1-2 miles away. Being 1-2 miles away with sidewalks all the way to the college is one of the reasons I would advocate living off campus. Every day I had class I had to get up and walk to the college. This resulted in a lot of physical exercise which also helps with better mental health. By living off campus I was also responsible for paying monthly bills, going to the grocery store and making my own meals. All of this contributed to focus on myself and providing things to keep busy with.

If I had to go through college again though I would have tried to make a few more friends, and not just friends, ones that would hopefully last. It would have been a better experience had I known a few people to hang out with during the evenings and on weekends, maybe even live with off campus. One semester I had a group of friends to hang out with on a regular basis and it helped to an extent. When surrounded by other people it was harder for me to fall into myself and my ways of dealing with things.

So to sum things up I tried residence hall living with and without a roommate and off-campus living. Living on campus for me was more of a negative impact but taught me a lot if we focus on the positive side and I definitely think having some good friends and one of them as a roommate would benefit.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I hope the information helps!

Off-Topic | New Job, Nervous

Starting a new job tomorrow much more in line with what I think I want to do with my career. I've been feeling mostly ok the weeks up until this moment and keeping everything under control, down to the last few hours. Now I am suddenly freaking out. I've become rather anxious and nervous. I have no reason to doubt things will go well, just a completely different environment I am about to step into. Took a pepcid complete to help with any extra acid this may cause my stomach to create. Got some water for a neutral fluid that won't bother me. Now just trying to breathe and relax to calm down. Slowly working. Think the next step is to read a book and also try to wind down so I can make an effort to get to sleep.

Personal Entry |2 - The Moving Experience, Part 1

Yesterday I finally got internet connectivity again and am able to continue on with my posts. The last week though has been an interesting experience though looking at the different affects its had on me.

I think one person at work has begun to sense a little that there is a bit more behind my face than what I really show on a daily basis. I haven't outright spoken about the difference issues I have, but instead have passed the blame onto all the changes going on in my life right now. I think even my mom over the phone perhaps has noticed somewhat of a change. Between moving and changing jobs the different issues are flaring up a bit more. Without the internet and most of my distractions, the situation became even more interesting.

As the move got closer I got more nervous and anxious. I also began to wonder if I would actually manage to pack everything in time before the big moving day. I did finish though, 12am the morning prior to the move.

The past week I've found myself making a lot more phone calls than usual. I really don't like talking on the phone, but it's been something to keep me distracted and occupied. If I go back to my old place now I feel really out of place like I don't belong there. At my new place I feel more comfortable in that I like the floor plan and space better than the other. The community also seems to be a bit more mature, which is wonderful, but I haven't been able to meet too many new people yet. I need to work up the courage to go for a run around the neighborhood or something. It would be good for my physical well-being too.

I still haven't checked my new mailbox; I have this fear of who I will run into and just keep avoiding it. The people around seem friendly, but other than observation I tend to just keep to a friendly hello and proceed to my place. Updating my address has been taking a bit of effort as well. I pushed off changing my internet service till the last minute as well as electric and postal. I should have done these things in advance, I don't know if this is natural or not. I still need to adjust quite a bit, but all in all I feel the new place is better for me than the old one.

Problems I Attribute to the Old Place:

1) I've noticed relapse of my depression, but in worse ways than before and closer to borderline or bipolar. I am not sure entirely what to make of this, but will elaborate further in a later post.

2) Due to the noise problems and lack of proper handling I have distanced myself from people further and my anxiety towards being accepted and around people has become worse.

What the Old Place Helped:

1) I began to stand up for myself and not tolerate others bringing me down. 

Things to do while moving when without internet and much else to do include:

1) Read a book (This has helped me a lot)

2) Call a friend or family if you have a cell phone

3) Drive an hour to dinner (if you have a car and license)

This wasn't a post about much, but I am back and expect to have a more informative post soon, including posts about how the moving experience progresses over the next few weeks.

Quick Update - Moving

I am pretty sure no one reads this but regardless here is a quick update.

I have been busy with a move, packing, address management, all those wonderful parts involved with moving. I don't expect to have much time on my hands again till later next week. Between working a fulltime job and going through every little thing I own I have been pretty exhausted most of the time.

I will still be around throughout the duration, just in a limited capacity. I hope everyone is well!

If you have questions or want to contribute your own post check out my tumblr! It's there to extend reach of people and to let the readers get a bit more involved if they would like. There is a link to post a question as well as a link to submit a post. Both get sent to me for approval/response before being posted.

When I get around to it either at the end of this week or mid next week I have a couple post ideas in mind. I do this for myself and as an effort to help the community as well!

-cheers-

Expansion to Tumblr

To further spread awareness and provide support I have created a tumblr for my blog. The same content will be on the tumblr account that is on the blog here. I have done this as a way to reach more people.

I would like to use the active tumblr community as well to make some new friends and further develop my own support network. I believe I can get some more ideas for posts to make here as well to better inform people about mental health issues. I still intend to keep on my about once a week schedule.

http://voicesforawareness.tumblr.com/

Thank you to all the followers out there anonymous or visible.