Sleepless

In context of my career

I wrote this post last night, but because I was trying to get to sleep decided just to write it and not actually post it since I couldn't look the post over for revision. Last night's part is below the line. I am a perfectionist. This post has to do with my life long dreams, career, and what I have gotten myself into with where I want to end up. Basically I had to repress my mind to avoid job discrimination, which is very difficult and comes back with a painful vengeance when I allow myself to be who I really am. That's as much as I really want to say about this particular post and poem I wrote, it's personal. I wish the stereotypes and discrimination didn't exist. I will follow up on the subject of stereotypes and discrimination later either through a video or post.
__________________________________________________________________

It's going to be another fairly sleepless night. Fell asleep when I got home from work and it took everything I had to pull myself back out of bed. I probably should have continued sleeping and just stayed awake all night instead. Now I am left wondering how much sleep I will get before I have to go back to work. The temperature is a roller coaster and it seems hot for some reason. It's really not hot though and it's just warm enough that a sweatshirt would bother me as I try to sleep. Then there is also a lot on my mind. Guess this is better than the nightmares I've been getting lately though. This is a rather boring post as I am trying to figure out how to fall asleep. I do love the night though.

Pretty numb tonight, so i'll share something i wrote last week.

Numb

It's the way of life,

Feeling nothingness,

Cold hearted, rage, anger;

Replaces the voided soul

The life i signed up for,

A life never wanted,

Yet the path is unavoidable

Trained to zero everything out,

To think and feel nothing,

Pretend all is balanced and ok,

The ultimate mindless warrior

Emotions present but suppressed,

Immense pain once unleashed,

Extreme uncontrollable anger

Thoughts must be locked away;

Not confronted, not resolved-

For life is on the line,

Everything ever dreamed of

Locked up, numb