A Little About Myself, Part 1

I don't know how many parts there will be to this or where to really start, but here is some information about myself.

About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with major depression, it was the summer after my freshman year of college. Although the problems began fall of my freshman year. The year prior to my senior year in high school I moved and was required to go to a new school, having to leave all my friends behind without any goodbyes.

Self harm started the fall of my freshman year, where I got the idea I don't know. Why I started self harm instead of something more healthy I don't know. I got addicted to self harm, which became a release, and it lasted fairly consistently for 3 years.

I made a commitment to someone very closely at the time that I would try to give up self harm if she tried with me. The problem never really has gone away mentally though. A year prior I had turned 21. Giving up self harm I turned to alcohol, although not to the point of falling on the floor, it's casual but still probably not good for me. I still get harsh triggers and fear relapse.

I've sought help in the past, but have found it very difficult to trust people.

I am in a better place now than I was in the past, but still notice something isn't quite right. I get very anxious around people and being out in a crowd is near impossible unless I am with someone, which still is very difficult. That leads into my anxiety issues.

Since I have graduated college I work as a fulltime software developer.

I sometimes wonder if there is more than depression and anxiety that is wrong with me. I am again considering seeking some kind of help, but am fearful. I have done a lot of writing and understand a lot more now than I did 6 years ago. Writing, music, and gaming are the major distractions that get me through the difficult times.

I am 24 and want to change the world, recover fully, and spread awareness.

I enjoy music and gaming.