The Mental Health System in the U.S.

Hope everyone is well on this hot summer day, or cold winter day, depending where in the world you are.

Today I am doing content slightly different than usual, with the inclusion of a video. The video will pretty much cover the same information I put here, but in less detail so it fits in the time limit and doesn't take the length of a movie to watch. I felt it would be worth trying a shot at a video and seeing how well it goes. The video has been recorded and will be up within the next day once the file has finished rendering and I've watched it a final time to make sure the video came out alright. If I get a good response I'll try to continue and make more, otherwise I'll stick to the writing. I'll be filling out this post with the more detailed experience with the mental health system in the United States. I am able to capture more of what I want in writing compared to videos.

Over the years I have lived in places with very low grades when it comes to the mental health system in the United States. I have to say the grades are pretty much dead on too, the experiences I've had are awful. The U.S. in general greatly suffers when it comes to good mental health support and treatment. I truly believe a lot of this has to do with the stigma out there and lack of understanding. Mental illness though really is the same as any physical illness, just a different problem, so let me tell my experience and help the world learn.

When I first really started having problems at my university I sought the help of a new friend I had made and come to trust. She had experienced some of the same problems and understood what I was going through. It was her who urged me to seek help from someone and go to the counseling center at the university.

Within about a month I had seen a counselor at the university, who really wasn't all that helpful. He definitely wasn't trained to help people like me there. All he could do was say "wow" like he was in shock when I brought up my self harm to him. Within about 4 visits he told me I was over his head and referred me to the university psychiatrist. I didn't want to talk to someone else and explain everything again, but I initially thought maybe I would get the help I needed at the time. I was very wrong though, and only went for one visit.

The psychiatrist told me if I didn't stop my self harm immediately he was going to call the police and have me locked away. I immediately went into self defense mode and shut myself down. I just did what I had to in order to get out of the session. The psychiatrist said I needed a plan for things to do other than self harm. I told him one thing I could do would be to call my family and talk about something else to distract myself. The psychiatrist was in disbelief and questioned why I would talk to my family. For one, I would talk to them because they are the closest to me and will always be the most supportive of me when I need help. That was the last time I saw anyone in my university's counseling center. I cancelled all further appointments, there was no way I could go back to that psychiatrist and they were not equipped to handle my case.

When summer came around my parents found out about what was going on. I initially saw my family doctor. Out of everyone I have seen over the past 6 years, my family doctor is the one I am most comfortable with and who actually knows what I am talking about and how to respond to me. He cannot be the person I see though because he does not deal with mental health issues and isn't knowledgeable in the area of medication and treatment. He did start me on an anti-depressant, but then referred me to a psychiatrist to handle it.

I went to the psychiatrist and on the first visit refused to talk about anything. I was tired of talking to different people and wanted to keep my most private and sensitive thoughts to myself. Since I chose not to talk the psychiatrist made the awkward assumption nothing was wrong with me and stopped my medication. I only fell deeper now that I had both no one to talk to and no medication to help with the depression.

Later that summer my parents went around looking for a psychologist to help me. They investigated the various people in the town nearby to make sure they were ok before sending me to them. My parents actually made a visit and evaluated the guy beforehand and told me everything seemed ok. The psychologist actually did turn out to be ok. I wasn't the most comfortable around him, and he really didn't help all that much, but he was what I needed. I stopped seeing him because I ended up going back to college in the fall and was many hours away. Had I been able to see him longer, I don't know what would have happened, but he helped.

Once I got back to school I didn't see anyone else for quite a while, matter of fact no one at all while at school. I ended up closing everything inside and silently suffering without anyone to help. There was no one who understood and no one who could listen without over reacting. Even my family seemed to treat me differently. I just wanted to be like any other normal person who had a physical illness. I went into my own ways of dealing with the problem and developed a support network of people online and friends. For a year or so that really seemed to be what kept me going, but wasn't exactly professional help and the socially accepted form of treatment by the world. It worked me me though, that's what matters.

Late in my college years my mental illness hit its lowest point, where I made the decision to leave and focus on myself. Focusing on myself and delaying school was one of the hardest things I've had to do, and still hurts, but it was the right thing to do. When I got home I was once again pushed off to a psychiatrist. This psychiatrist only needed to see me for 10 minute visits in regards to the medication he prescribed. My first visit for evaluation I told him I didn't want to be locked up and when he couldn't reassure me well enough I ran out of the office. My parents finished up that visit and came out with the medication prescription.

On following visits at the same office I was to see a psychologist and talk to him about my problems. Like the counselor and psychiatrist at my university, he wasn't very understanding. I didn't open up very much either, it was a very uncomfortable feeling and he didn't seem all that interested in helping me. He seemed more into trying to play mind games with people and got enjoyment out of taunting people. He asked me if I had thought about suicide, which I denied, something I wasn't going to talk about so early on. Something I also wasn't going to talk about because I was afraid of being locked away. And when I told him no he ignore me and took it as yes, then went on to repeatedly say "did it scare you?". Something else I just ignored from him. Within a couple more visits I started making preparations to leave counseling. My medication caused some other medical complications as well. With agreement of the psychiatrist I left counseling and stopped meds.

Afterwards I went back to the support of friends. I made an agreement with a friend to try and stop self harm together. I was more successful than my friend was, and that success went on for years. I am deeply scarred though by my visits to "professionals" within the mental health system. I understand better than anyone of them ever could. Today as stress hits me again and I feel relapse coming on I don't know who to talk to. I don't know what is triggering relapse, but I am afraid of it happening, and could really use a friend who understands. I have a general idea of what the spark it, but it will be years before I figure out a solution to that. I'm starting to think it's something other than depression as well. I don't know though, other than the feelings I've been getting feel all too familiar.

Would I recommend seeking help if you need it? Most definitely. Try to find someone you're comfortable with talking to. Even if it's a friend you can call just to have a conversation with about whatever topic you want. Some help is better than none. I've been in touch with family a lot lately and it's been helping. I have not been open about any mental health related issues though, it's something that for the past 3 years I thought I finally got a grip on and was able to bring under some degree of control. Regardless, I am still better off now than I used to and have more tools now to help me fight than I did before. I will overcome this, I will, and so can you. To the mental health professionals out there, this is how you do not treat someone.

Please learn from my experience, make yourself more knowledgeable, and if you can't help, just listen.