Recovery and Seeking Help: Part 5

This is a post long overdue. After my position at work being taken from me in November I was extremely  busy searching for new employment. 3 months of forced vacation really wasn't a vacation at all. On top of that the ski trip I really wanted to make didn't happen either because of the threat of unemployment looming over my head. I am happy to report I found a new job and am starting to try and stabilize again.

Despite all the good things that are coming together I am finding myself feeling depressed still. This is mostly in the evening and on the weekends. The work days have actually gone pretty well; I've felt calm and relaxed. I like what I am doing and am surrounded by a wonderful group of people. The anxiety is being kept under control by the medication very well. There are still times I get anxious but I am able to manage them much better than I used to.

Something else bothering me is the insomnia. One of the side effects for my medication is insomnia and I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I did find an over the counter sleep aid though that helps sometimes. Despite the side effect the medication is still worth it to me. The medication has given me back my life. I might talk to my doctor next time about trying to find a better sleep medication.

One last issue is that I want to find a social worker for therapy. I feel like I need more than just support groups once a week. Or maybe I need a therapy group; I really don't know. I just need a place where I can talk everything out that is on my mind and get more than advice.

Overall I've kept everything under control. I'm rather amazed sometimes at how well I am able to keep control. I attribute all this to the effort I've put into recovery. What I need now is a way to express emotion healthily and to be able to talk. I need justice, I need to speak out, and to express myself.

This post is kind of all over the place but that is where my mind is at the moment. We are not alone.

Fellow Mental Health [V]Bloggers to Start 2012

As a welcome into 2012 I would like to dedicate a post to some other blogs and vlogs out there I have been following for the past 1-2 years. The highlights posts was getting a bit long, so we have a second.

I have selected 3 for this particular post and will write about more in the future.

Free Your Mind Campaign: http://free-your-mind-campaign.blogspot.com/

The Free Your Mind Campaign was started by Nicola as a result of abuse and prejudice within a psych ward located in England. She speaks through her experiences, advocates, and fights the stigma with: art, music, film, and culture. I have been following her campaign and look forward to FYM's 2012 success.

I Drank the Sea Water: http://www.youtube.com/user/idranktheseawater

I Drank the Sea Water is an excellent vlog to follow. She has done mini movies about various mental illness topics, a vlog accounting for her progress through treatment, and written a book: Lady Injury. I find her inspiring and giving people hope through a very unique and inspiring perspective.

Sullen Girl - http://www.youtube.com/user/xsullengirlx

Christie has been speaking out about mental health and providing self injury support. One of the reasons I like her vlog so much is she tells issues how they are. She gets right to the point and speaks. This one is hard to sum up but definitely one to check out if you want to know more about the reality of M.I.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year!

2012 Direction and End of 2011 Highlights

I planned to write this post on New Years Eve or New Years Day but delayed it as I increased my advocacy and activism at the local level due to the November employment events. However, those events have pushed forward some exciting and important plans for the Voices for Awareness campaign in 2012. That said these plans have been in planning for some time and are always a work in progress being refined to meet the needs and voices of the world wide mental health community. Voices for Awareness can use your help and experiences to spread the word too, more on that to come later in the update.

Before diving into the 2012 direction though, a quick recap of 2011. In 2011 I began my campaign after following several blogs and vlogs others maintained, having been helped and inspired by them. I realized how much I could offer through my own experiences and that silence wasn't the answer. Speaking out helps myself, others, and in return fights stigma; allowing more of us to seek help and treatment. I was successful in getting my career on track, started seeking help again, lost my job to the stigma, and began taking the campaign on the road locally with the anticipation of expanding the borders in 2012.

Originally unsure about medication my medication has actually been helping. I have been consulting with a competent doctor who listens to me and ensures I am getting the care I need. Rather than my medication being stopped soon after starting as in the past this doctor made sure I knew about the medication and gave it a chance to start working. The only downfall I've had are some affects on my short term memory.

#1: In my last post I spoke about stigma in the workforce and the experience I had in November 2011 just before the holidays. I mentioned I didn't want to take the issue to court and just wanted to spread awareness. The good news is that I will be taking the issue to the U.S. Congress to be heard as well as local legislative branches. I will be working on a submission going directly through a U.S. Senator. I will post more as the plan unfolds, but am going to be appealing for our rights as mental health patients.

#2: Another plan for this coming year is to become involved in public speaking campaigns around my local community. I hope to make several groups of people aware about what is around them and what some of their peers may even be going through. The longer term goal with this is to go national, then worldwide.

#3: Along the same lines as public speaking I will be writing an account of my story for those who request it and are looking to use it for spreading awareness and providing support to others. The account will be written only and can be used on blogs, vlogs and support sites to start. I only speak English, but recipients are welcome to translate it into other languages. Just let me know a max length and format so it fits. I'll tweak this process as time goes on, but just starting out need to set some basic guidelines.

#4: One last plan I would like to mention is the involvement I want to build from others dealing with a mental illness and those caring or who know someone with a mental illness. My own family has benefitted from me opening up and sharing my story with them. I have some ideas to go about this but am still coming up with a way to do it. I am thinking possibly essay format posts similar to mine telling your story. Those writing about caring for someone could write about how they found out, how they reacted initially, why they reacted that way, what they are doing to deal with it now, and what they think should be different. The goal behind this would be to show the negative impact stigma's had and a care givers willingness and desire to help, but they don't know how because the stigma has suppressed information from getting out. The same goes for the people with a mental illness, wanting to get help but fearing repercussions. The format doesn't have to be entirely as I described and could be ended with a success story. Just ideas.

There is more in progress that I may be able to share later once I have more information.

I wish a good year to everyone out there. We will never give up hope.

E-mail: voices.for.awareness@gmail.com

Stigma in the Workforce

I am dedicating this blog to awareness about the stigma surrounding mental illness in the professional workforce. Whenever in public I feel this shadow cast over me because of what I go through on a daily basis. It's bad enough that I have the illness, and the stigma makes it worse. I've managed to fill in most of my family now and the reaction has been mostly tears and wishing they could understand better, not quite what I expected but welcomed. Next I want to get them involved with my awareness campaign.

I finally began feeling pretty secure at my job, no one even knew I had generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I was extremely productive, did something I enjoy, and had a team that accepted me for who I was, or at least presented myself to be, since I didn't share my battles. My battles with mental illness didn't need to be brought up though, and the team helped me learn more about myself when they didn't even know it. My illnesses are just that, illnesses, they never defined who I am. I began to better understand my anxiety better and my team helped me come to the realization that I needed to seek help.

I had dealt with depression before, but generalized anxiety disorder was new to me diagnosis wise and I had been brushing it off as something that would just pass over. I sought help, am glad I did, and slowly see myself beginning to get better. Seeing the doctor added a new diagnosis to my record and ended up resulting in unnecessary responses. I started my awareness campaign based on the negative encounters I had with people during college, the darkest of my days, hoping I will one day make a positive impact helping the lesser educated understand mental health better. In the past couple weeks my latest employer joins the motivation and passion I have to get the word out, just not in the light I had been hoping for.

I won't discuss any names or locations of people and places, but take this information and please realize those of us with mental illness are people too. We are just like those taking medicine for high blood pressure. We are not criminals, mental illnesses comes in different severities, and we can be quite productive. There is more information now, we are not the risk and threat people thought in the past. This post may be the only justice and awareness I can get out over my situation. I don't consider myself disabled; I don't want compensation over the situation; I don't want to sit back and let those responsible for this just get away without understanding. I want people to be aware so this doesn't happen to others.

My job that I had loved so much, that took 3-4 months before I finally settled in, gave me a reason to wake up each day. I was at last doing the type of work I wanted to do and with a team who formed a small family within the office. We had our own friendly little culture, joking, bringing food and sweets in. I am really going to miss them and what happened to me caused anger and tears among them too. This doesn't just affect me, but it impacts the group of people around me too. I ended up addressing them so they understood just how strong I'd become and that it wasn't my decision to leave.

There is too much power in the hands of the person that took my job from me. I should have been looked at for who I was, not the illness. Yes, if completely untreated, some of those worst case scenarios could happen. Did I have to be taken from my job immediately? No. I sought help so those worst case scenarios never saw any light. Is the workforce trying to promote hiding and covering up the inner battles we have? I really hope not, seeking help has been one of the best things I have ever done. After 7 years I finally have a medication and treatment plan that is working for me. I never gave up hope, and don't plan to. I have done extensive research and investigation into myself to understand why I have the illnesses I do. I may be getting closer, but something for sure is that I have finally learned how to better manage them.

Not only was my job taken from me, but I was then thrown into isolation. Someone with generalized anxiety disorder and depression need to be around people, not alone. We are people just like you.

More of us are starting to seek help each day. The numbers of people dealing with mental illnesses is coming to light as the years go on. One day there could be no one left to work if this stigma is allowed to continue on. Please look at the big picture and think before just pushing us aside. We are your best friends, your hardest workers, and those there for you in your time of need. Do us a favor and look at us for who we are just as we look at you for who you are. At least understand we are like everyone else.

Those of us dealing with mental illness will continue to seek help. We will not be deterred.

I remain hopeful to prove to people one day that mental illness is just that an illness. We can be productive, loving, caring, and successful. Give us a chance and watch us flourish.

Recovery and Seeking Help: Part 4

Good evening/early morning. Recovery and help was on the upside at least for a couple weeks. My job was going well since I was doing the type of work I enjoy and have a wonderful team that is like another family to me. I don't notice as much change with the medication now that I have been on it over a month, but I tend to believe the medication is helping. My appetite is more consistently there and I am not as anxious about eating lunch or dinner like I used to be. The depression I have mixed feelings about still and am not entirely sure of the medication's effect, but it may be helping with that too. I intend to wait at least a couple months to see how I am feeling before I judge the depression too harshly.

The support groups I feel are going very well. I have been able to gather resources from others and share some of my own. I may compile I list of some resources I have gathered at a later date if I can find a way to make them non-attributable (most of them are, I just need to look over them again). I look forward to my groups each week not only because of the support, but I have made some new friends there too.

The past week however I have been rather overwhelmed. I am trying to grasp what my rights truly are as a person with mental illness. Last week my position at work was taken away from me due to actively seeking help, receiving medication, and attending support groups. I intend to investigate this and ensure what happened to me cannot happen to anyone else. Should I be able to share anymore details at a later date on this I will, but for now there is not much I can speak about due to legal reasons.

My job actually became part of my recovery process and now that it has been taken from me I am in a state of limbo. As a result I have experienced anger, depression, and thoughts of hurting myself. I am trying not to slip and instead stay strong, but it has been difficult as I try to manage myself, search for a new position, and ensure that my team at work is in good hands with whatever I have been working on.

That is all I can share right now as I am exhausted from what has been going on lately.